Nothing say's the Holiday's Like Cookies...

It wouldn't be the Holidays without fresh, home-made cookies. You will note that I said HOME MADE! This is really important. You have to MAKE cookies. You need the smell to permeate your home or the holiday won't come out right, god-dammit! Sorry about that, but we love cookies. Everyone loves cookies. Share some of these cookies with the new recruits from the 13th.

The Spirit of Cookiemas (and friends)

Cookiemas is watched over by the happy little Keebler Gnomes* and the happy smiling fat guy himself (no, not him, but Sammy the Magic Girl Scout - the cross-dressing, fun-loving, door-to-door cookie fairy). Get the kids all hopped up on sugar before you put them to bed - and then tell them that during the night the Keebler Gnomes sneak into the house and clean up the Cookiemas Mess and eat all the rest of the cookies. This has two benefits. First, it lets you eat all of the cookies that are left. Second, it will give the kids all kind of whacked-out sugar-induced nightmares of tiny fat people sneaking into their house - and trust us, this is a hoot! You can almost guarantee that they will never traipse through a garden again (and will stop eating so many cookies - our kids are too fat anyway).

*Gnomes. That's right. Not elves. Elves are little happy tree-hugging fairies. Like Legolas in the Lord of the Rings - that's an elf. Santa Claus has GNOMES (like the kind in your tacky-ass garden). Short, fat, pointy hat. That's a gnome people!

Cookiesmas Traditions

The core Cookiemas Tradition (other than gorgin on the sweet deliciousness of cookies) is going Door to Door (I told you it was coming) and saying - "Treat or Retreat". If they ask for "treats" give them cookies (that you just made) and wish them a Happy Cookiemas! If they say retreat (or if they have a gun) start running. Please note that Chrischanukkahwanzaamas supports this apostolic mission, but takes no responsibilities if you choose to go door to door in a bad neighborhood, a gated community, or Arkansas.

Since this is online, you could always give out Virtual Home Baked Cookies or Invites to Chrischanukkahwanzaamas (which aren't as satisfying but do cause weight gain and guilt similiar to cookies).