Can I Get a Witness!

Can I get an Atari! Testify, brothers and sisters. The 13th of December is the pledge drive of Chrischanukkahwanzaamas. Every holiday needs good publicity to drum up adherents. But, the evil geniuses at Chrischanukkahwanzaamas HQ are clever - real clever! Everyone knows that all publicity is good publicity, right? Even bad publicity. So if all publicity is good, and bad publicity is publicity, than bad publicity must be the better than good publicity, or otherwise it would be good publicity, right? Man, I am so glad that I decided to polish off that case of Miller High Life before I wrote this! LOGIC!

Tell a friend about Chrischanukkahwanzaamas today. Invite them to the FACEBOOK group. Blog about your great holiday adventures. Start a chain-letter. Send some SPAM. Eat some SPAM. Spam some SPAM. Hold a telethon. Hold an intervention (it might be necessary after that Cocktailmas to Vicemas bender).

Just don't go door to door - because people really hate that and that would really hurt all the fun in store for the 17th.

TRASHMAS TRADITIONS

If a Scavenger Hunt doesn't net you a few new Chrischanukkahwanzaamas fans - try beer. In cans. With pull tabs. Not cocktails. This is a really important part. Cocktials have there own party - this is all about beer. Cheap beer. Nothing that shows that Chrischanukkahwanzaamas is "hoity". Trashmas is a truly American Day (kinda like the 4th of July, but without the patriotism, historical significance, or sunshine.

The Spirit of Trashmas

On the 13th of December, Bubba Claus comes down from the North Pole Wal-Mart in his candy-apple red Ford F150. Bubba Claus wears red overalls and sports a John Reindeer cap. He scatters worthless junk all over the world and all the good little boys and girls get to run around and find the "treasures". Typical Bubba Claus "treasures" include empty beer cans, broken glass, used kleenex, Nascar patches, various grimcrack, travel and rest stop souviners, collectible plates, Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirts, matchbooks, and political leaflets. Some scientists have concluded that Bubba Claus is the #3 reason for Global Warming (it's the Nascar adjustments to his magical F150) and the #2 reason for global pollution.